Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My ass is underappreciated
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize