"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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