i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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