those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
