I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
