next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
