She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
