We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
