I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
