I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
