I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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