16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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