I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
