Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
