i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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