Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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