You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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