I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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