went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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