I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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