I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
