Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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