yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
