so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
