We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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