you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My balls are so social today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
