Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
