Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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