I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think people are normalizing furries
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
