i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
