I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
