He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize