Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
