True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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