I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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