grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
