if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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