I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
