im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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