you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
