we have officially lost it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
