I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
