what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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