fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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