we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
