That's intense
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
