Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
