Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the condom got lost in my hair
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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