put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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