One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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