Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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