Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
