i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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