this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
