Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
