Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
