the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
