u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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