Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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