how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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