I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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