He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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