he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
