remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
