and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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