Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I deserve this hangover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
