Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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