You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize