i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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