Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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