this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
