i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
