i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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