I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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