i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
