How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
