She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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