I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want a musical about memes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
