Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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