Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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