listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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