i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do vagina's smell?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
