Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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