do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
