omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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