I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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