his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
