The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
