why didn't you poke me back
I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
