Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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