I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
