That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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