I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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