Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
