3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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