Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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