she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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