I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's paper in my vomit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize