When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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