I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
