pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
