dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize