The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
