Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
